We've all felt like this: down, small, embarrassed, like you just want to disappear. Your movements become small, trying not to even make a ripple in the world. You hesitate or completely neglect to make decisions, thinking they'll just be wrong. If you can just slip away quietly, you can crawl in the bed and maybe it will be better tomorrow.
Well, truth is:
We are not made to be doormats. If God wanted you to be a mouse, He'd have given you a tail. So never let yourself, or anyone else, be treated like one! This doesn't mean you're supposed to be an aggressive, overbearing monster. Moderation, my friends... Think about the Golden Rule. You don't want to treat anyone else like a doormat either. This simply means that We were made to have self-confidence and some backbone. To stand for what we believe. To fight for what and who we love.
How to Break the Funk and Find Empowerment: 7 TIPS
1. Own your mistakes. The blame game is unattractive but also unproductive. The good news is that if you made the mess, you probably will have an easier time cleaning it up.
2. Quit blaming others. Even if it really IS their fault. You are in control of how you react to life. A negative reaction is only going to make things worse.
3. Fake it til you make it. Smile. Even if you don't feel like it. Act confident, even if you want to crawl under the table. When you act empowered, others will treat you as if you're empowered, in control, and confident. In turn, you'll actually start to fell that way. This is that whole self-fulfilling prophecy thing.
4. Don't ignore yourself. Many of us care and nurture others simply by nature. We often equate focusing on ourselves as selfish or wasteful. For anyone who ever actually paid attention to the airline attendants, you have to put your oxygen mask on before you can help someone else. Being the best version of yourself means you have more to offer your loved ones. So take the time for you, whether that means 30 minutes to workout, a walk to quiet your mind, new clothes, or whatever else you've been giving to others but not yourself.
5. Follow your dreams. Explore your passions. Learn. Just because you've got a job, bought a house, gotten married, had kids, any or all of the above - it doesn't mean you have to put blinders on and never follow dreams again. Your spouse wants you to be happy. Kids are an even better reason to be passionate about your job or hobbies. Don't you want to set an example of how to have a vibrant and fulfilling life? Your fairly, your day job doesn't have to be the end-all-be-all of your life. It shouldn't be. You are allowed to define yourself in many ways. Jeff Goins talks about the concept of a portfolio life, where your life is made up of several aspects: job, family, passions, etc. The sum of these parts is greater than the whole. You can check his podcast out about the topic here.
6. The opinions of others may not matter at all. I'm a people-pleaser. What I do, both as an attorney and a fitness coach, depends on my clients being happy. But not everyone has the ability to be happy. There are some people that are just going to disagree with you and your actions, no matter what. Before you freak out that someone is unhappy with you, ask if their opinion REALLY matters. Depending on who they are, making them mad may be a sign of success for you.
7. Tell yourself to shut up. I call it "awful-izing," when you come up with the worst case scenario and run it through your head in such detail that you can feel the failure and rejection in your gut. And you keep thinking about that situation, like a replay over and over in your head. QUIT. I'm speaking to myself as much as anyone else here. I have to force myself to stop thinking about it and imagine a scenario where everything worked out. I make myself think through how that would go and what it would look like. At the very least I just give myself a mental slap to stop the awful thought train. Sometimes I even have to distract myself by playing some music, listening to a podcast, doing something productive. Anything to break that thought cycle.
What do you do to feel EMPOWERED?
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